


the state of being adored

by closingdoors



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Fluff without Plot, lots of smooches because i'm gay and they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closingdoors/pseuds/closingdoors
Summary: Vanessa acts strangely. Charity tries to get to the bottom of it.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 8
Kudos: 207





	the state of being adored

Love is a tarnish; no object is left unmarked by the state of being adored.

**Daisy Lafarge**

* * *

Vanessa laughs gently as she tugs the gloves from Charity's hands, a few stubborn tears still clinging to her eyelashes like dewdrops. 

"That's the second time we've had an emotional conversation with you wearing these," Vanessa comments, setting them on the side. 

Charity reaches out to cup Vanessa's face between her hands, holding her smile in her bare palms. Vanessa's eyes shine in the light and her heart thuds loudly in her chest; it'd been terrifying to think that Vanessa might've never looked at her like this again. 

"Guess I had a lot of mess to clean up," she quips.

"Not anymore," Vanessa sighs, tugging her closer by the lapels of her blazer.

When they kiss again, it's soft and slow and it makes every part of her ache as they draw closer, their bodies pressed hip to hip and chest to chest. She inhales sharply when Vanessa's hands slip beneath her blouse, cold against her skin, and Charity draws away abruptly.

"What is it?" Vanessa asks with a frown, the pads of her index fingers absentmindedly drawing patterns on her lower back that would be enough to distract her any other day.

"You smell different." 

Vanessa scrunches her nose, tilting her head as if in offence. Her ponytail swishes through the air and Charity catches that smell again. She thinks it's supposed to be a floral kind of scent but there's too much of a chemical for it to be nice. It's so distinctly un-Vanessa.

"It's your hair," she says, catching the end of her ponytail and ignoring Vanessa's squawk of protest when she sniffs it. "You used different shampoo?"

"I just used what Tracy had."

"Right," Charity mutters, pursing her lips. Of course there are some things that are going to be different; they'd been apart for eight days. She's just used to wrapping her arms around Vanessa to the familiar scent of her raspberry shampoo, something she now thinks of as a part of home, of safety, of security. "Yeah. 'Course."

Vanessa catches her chin between her index finger and thumb, forcing her to meet her eyes. It really is unfair how all Vanessa has to do is make her eyes all big and soft and Charity's legs turn to jelly. She'd do anything for Vanessa when she looks at her like that.

"Guess it just means I need to have a shower," Vanessa says, raising one eyebrow. "Don't suppose you could help me out? Get all my hard to reach bits?" 

"Excellent idea. Let's get you up those stairs right away missus," Charity replies, shepherding her towards the stairs, already pushing Vanessa's coat from her shoulders, just the first of the many layers of wool she insists on hiding her body beneath. 

Vanessa laughs as they make their way up the stairs, bright and loud, and Charity leans in to swallow the sound. Her whole chest feels warm and her feet forget to keep moving. She ends up pressing Vanessa against the wall when they've made their way halfway up.

Vanessa moans loudly against her mouth, fisting her hands in her blouse and trying to draw her even closer, but when Charity attempts to divert her lips to the smooth skin of Vanessa's neck her fiancée catches her, dragging her back up to the warmth of her mouth again.

"You taste different," Vanessa mumbles somewhere between the kisses, the sound muffled by her lips.

"Lost my lip balm," Charity tries to explain, but Vanessa draws her closer, tongue swiping a hot path against her lower lip. Her knees go weak. "Just picked a new one up without thinking 'bout it."

Vanessa _shushes_ her, pushing the blazer from her shoulders without stopping their kiss. 

"Like it?" Charity teases with a grin, because she can't resist; there's nothing better than getting Vanessa all riled up and bossy.

Vanessa kisses the smile from her lips until she's dizzy with desire.

"Just don't stop," Vanessa moans, and she doesn't.

* * *

She doesn't think much of it, at first. They've been away from each other for longer than this breakup; the last time she and Vanessa had gone beyond a quick peck had been all those weeks ago in Cornwall, trying to be quiet so that they didn't wake the boys. It makes sense that they're hungry for each other.

Charity invites Vanessa to the pub, and she _does_ intend on making it to her shift on time, but once Noah and Sarah are upstairs and in no danger of clomping down and interrupting them, Vanessa tosses her magazine and climbs into her lap. Charity's not one to look the gift horse in the mouth so she closes her arms around Vanessa tightly, snogging like teenagers instead of grown women with a perfectly good bed upstairs, and Vanessa's wearing more of her lipstick than she is by the end of it. 

Charity's tactile; it's how she'd learn to love, or whatever the feeling had been before Vanessa barged into her life. She's happy link their hands over the bar and enjoys seeing the faintest hint of the healing love bite peeking out from the neckline of Vanessa's jumper. She's hardly going to complain when it gets around to closing time and they get home late because Vanessa had apparently been eager to continue their long-held tradition of snogging once all the customers have made it out the door.

What _does_ confuse her however is how public Vanessa is with it. Though she may be different behind closed doors, Vanessa's normally reserved with her when they're out. Sure, she'll hold her hand when they're walking through the shops or leave a restaurant with Charity arm-in-arm, but it never really goes beyond that. Charity's never pushed - everyone has their own boundaries. She'd never make Vanessa do anything she didn't want to.

All of that seems to go straight out the window. They go out for dinner on Saturday night to celebrate getting back together; she _could_ blame the wine for how eager and insistent Vanessa had been in the cab ride home, but she'd only had two glasses at most. She pops by the pub on Sunday afternoon to get the boys some lunch and her greeting kiss is just a touch too inappropriate considering the little eyes on them. Then there's the time she goes to take out the bins on a rare Monday morning off - the world is still quiet and peaceful outside, only a couple people leaving their houses and on their way to work. Vanessa finds her standing outside admiring the sunrise and joins her side. Only five seconds pass before Vanessa's mouth is pressed against her own and soon enough they're stumbling to find their way back into Jacobs Fold.

"Don't you two ever _stop?_ " Sarah complains loudly as they close the door behind them. They jump apart and find Sarah making herself some breakfast. She rolls her eyes. "I'm starting to prefer how it was when you were away, Vanessa."

"Oi," Charity warns.

"It's alright," Vanessa says with a laugh, crossing the room to squeeze Sarah's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Sarah. We hadn't realised you were awake."

"Clearly," Sarah snarks right as the toaster pops the bread back up.

* * *

"Ness - " Charity tries to get out between insistent kisses. Vanessa ignores her and Charity whimpers at the feel of Vanessa's tongue against her own, even as she tries to pull away. "Babe - "

Vanessa pushes Charity flat on her back, their legs tangled up with the duvet. The morning sun is beginning to make its way through the windows and warm their bodies and it takes all of Charity's strength to turn away from Vanessa's kiss, fumbling for her phone on the bedside counter.

"You're gonna be late for work," she pants, meaning to say something more, but then Vanessa's teeth dig into her shoulder and she loses all train of thought, her thigh coming up to press between Vanessa's.

"That's never stopped you before. Actually, that's normally half the reason you enjoy dragging me back into bed, isn't it?"

She can't argue with that one. It's always been a thrill to see Vanessa, usually so put-together and organised, rushing about with half of her hair falling out of her ponytail and trying to figure out where her bra had landed, knowing she's the reason why she's so flustered. 

Vanessa kisses her again, letting her weight rest against Charity thigh and sighing into her mouth. They kiss until Charity's chest is on fire, ready to burst if she doesn't come up for air, but even when she pulls away to gasp Vanessa's mouth follows hers.

"Bloody hellfire, babe. I'm about to pass out in a minute if you don't stop." 

Vanessa giggles, nipping at her chin and watching her with hooded eyes. There's a rosy flush across her sternum that's spread up to her cheeks, lips swollen and hair a mess. She's absolutely beautiful.

"I mean, really, it's usually me who has trouble stopping," Charity comments lightly, squeezing Vanessa's hips to soften the blow.

Vanessa narrows her eyes.

"Are you complaining?"

"What? No!"

Vanessa sits back, steadying herself with her hands on Charity's stomach as she frowns down at her. She pouts.

"Do you not... I mean... do you not _want_ me, or - "

Charity sits up abruptly, almost toppling Vanessa out of her lap. She wraps her arms around Vanessa and rests her hands against the small of her back, shuffling back until she can prop herself up against the headboard. 

"Babe, I always want you... and you _know_ that's not an exaggeration."

Vanessa looks away, biting her lower lip, but the blush continues staining her cheeks and Charity takes that as confirmation.

"It's just - well, it's not like you, is it? All this? I just wanted to make sure everything's alright. You know I don't expect - I mean it's certainly _fun,_ but - you're exciting enough for me as you are, even if we're just doing summat stupid like arguing over which cereal to buy in the middle of Tesco."

"You'll rot the kids' teeth if you keep buying them those sugary ones," Vanessa interjects.

"See? Sensible one, you are," Charity says, knocking Vanessa's chin with her knuckle. Vanessa finally meets her eyes again and smiles. "I promise you, babe. I'm _definitely_ not complaining. I'd have thought it was obvious by now, but I'm enjoying myself. I just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to prove something."

Vanessa softens, her shoulders dropping and her eyes doing that stupidly adorable thing where they go all shiny whenever Charity says something straight from her heart. Her hands rest on Charity's shoulders, squeezing gently.

"Trust me. It's not that. I just missed you," Vanessa explains simply.

Charity's throat tightens. "Me too, babe."

Vanessa sniffs before she leans in for a gentle kiss. She pulls away and rubs her thumb against Charity's lower lip.

"You are right, though. I'm definitely gonna be late for work and Rhona's still angry at me for skiving off early to meet you last week. I'd better go and - "

Vanessa shifts as if to stand, but Charity catches her around the waist, rolling them so that Vanessa's flat against the mattress and she's rising over her. Vanessa lands with a soft _oof_ and a disapproving laugh, but her hands come up to rest against Charity's cheeks all the same.

"Well, you're already late now. What's a few minutes more?"

* * *

The thing about being wanted by Vanessa Woodfield is that it's different to anything she's ever experienced before in her life. 

Being wanted isn't new to her, not sexually at least - she's known how that's felt since she was a kid working the streets. Plenty of people have wanted her in their bed before.

But it's just different with Vanessa. She knows that if she wants to stop, Vanessa will stop. She has her limits and Vanessa never pushes her, never questions why it is she might not want to do something; so extraordinarily understanding that sometimes she thinks Vanessa's a mindreader.

The men and their grubby hands and cigarette breath would make her feel used. They were never really present during the whole affair, she was just a body to them, and that's the way she'd started to think of herself too. 

But even if Vanessa's working something out, even if she's crying or she's rough or she's angry, it's always something they're working through together. They're both there. Vanessa _sees_ her. She wants _her._ She doesn't think she'll ever be able to put into words how much that means.

Vanessa sets a plate of toast on the counter in front of her, the clink of the china pulling her from her thoughts. She pushes a mug of tea into her hands too, as milky as always, and when she looks up Vanessa's still watching her with that same kind of unrestrained affection, even when they're doing something simple like making breakfast for them and the kids.

"Thanks babe," she says, leaning across to give her a quick kiss.

" _Please_ don't start snogging," Sarah interrupts moodily. 

Charity pulls back, delighted by the way Vanessa blushes and finishes buttering her own toast. Noah keeps his gaze firmly on his plate as Sarah glares.

"Wasn't going to, but now that you've put that delightful thought in my head - "

"We're going to need therapy if you two carry on. Aren't we, Noah?" Sarah says, staring at Noah expectantly.

Noah blushes beetroot red. Even the tips of his ears are pink. Charity has to hide her laugh behind her mug of tea. 

"I'm not hungry," he announces, grabbing his coat and backpack and bolting out of the front door before Sarah can call him back.

Charity tips her head back, laughing loudly, and hears Sarah huff in the way only teenagers do when they're having a strop. Vanessa pinches her side in warning but Charity just catches her hand and raises it to her lips; she's almost lost Vanessa one too many times for her to hide how much she loves her anymore.

* * *

In the end, the root cause of it all turns out to be the last thing she had expected.

She gets back from a closing shift at the pub to find Vanessa's already gone to bed. She'd missed her while she was at work, Noah and Sarah were both out at mates so they'd had no-one to watch over the boys. Marlon had compared her to a lost puppy as she'd sulked behind the bar and she'd glared at him so hard it was a wonder he hadn't turned to stone where he'd stood.

Vanessa rouses when Charity slips into bed with her, hissing when Charity's cold hands press against the strip of skin her rumpled pyjama top exposes. 

"Alright?" She asks tiredly.

"Yeah," Charity answers, because everything is when she's with Vanessa.

Charity leans down to kiss her goodnight. At least, that's what she tells herself - knowing how Vanessa's been these past two weeks, she expects for their clothes to be off in no time. Her stomach's already swirling with desire and anticipation.

Vanessa pulls away slowly, frowning. Charity props herself up on one elbow, squeezing Vanessa's hip with the other.

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, Vanessa hesitates before she concedes with a sigh, "you taste different." 

"Oh yeah. Found my old lip balm. Moses had decided to nick it and stuff it in his toy box, hadn't he?"

Charity rolls her eyes before she leans down to kiss Vanessa again. Vanessa leans back, just the tiniest fraction, but it's enough to make her pause. 

"Babe, what's - " Her eyes bug out of her head and she gasps as the realisation kicks in. "Oh my god, is that why you've been like a bloody dog with a bone lately? Over some stupid lip balm?"

Vanessa pouts petulantly. "That's not the _only_ reason."

Charity stares at her, slack-jawed and stunned. Vanessa sighs, wriggling out from under Charity's touch so that she can sit up. She crosses her arms over her chest and Charity bites down on her lip to keep herself from laughing. She looks exactly how Johnny does when they tell him he can't have any chocolate before his tea.

"It just... tasted nice," Vanessa says, looking anywhere but at Charity.

Charity nods slowly, shoulders shaking from holding the laughter in. "Right." 

"Oh, don't be mean about it!" Vanessa strops, laying back down again and turning her back to Charity. "S'not _my_ fault you changed it." 

Charity shakes her head. How the hell had she managed to fall in love with such a dork? One who wears pyjama bottoms covered in little cartoon sheep and still looks ridiculously attractive in them? 

She leans back, rooting through her bedside drawer and finding the little white tube she'd discarded that morning. She tugs on Vanessa's hip until her fiancée's flat on her back again. She hovers over her and holds up the lip balm between them, unable to miss the way Vanessa's eyes turn a darker shade of blue when she sees it. 

"Like Pavlov's bloody dogs, you are," Charity comments.

Vanessa scowls. "Stop calling me a dog when you're trying to have sex with me." 

Charity rolls her eyes and pops the lid of the lip balm. Vanessa's eyes track her every movement when she spreads the coconut balm across her lips. Her breath hitches when Charity reaches over her to place the tube on Vanessa's bedside table, their chests brushing and her lips ghosting against Vanessa's cheek before she settles back against her.

"I'd like to think I'm talented enough for you to enjoy kissing me without this, yeah?" 

"You know you are. Stop fishing for compliments," Vanessa replies, but her tone is light and airy and she bites down on her lower lip as she stares up at her.

Charity quirks an eyebrow. "Maybe we should break up more. We might find more aphrodisiacs you like." 

"Never again," Vanessa growls, pulling her down for a fierce kiss, and Charity couldn't agree more.


End file.
